The one polo to rule them all
by Al bhed Princess
Summary: The one polo to rule them all, and it ends up in Paine's hands! Oh no! R&R! The Invisible tree king makes his first apperance! (Otherwise known as Nooj)


A/N this is going to be a very strange FIC because that's the mood I'm in. Yay! :p PS (I don't think there is anything wrong with Yuna's fashion sense really.)  
  
Yuna stared at the face opposite her. "You know I love you. I never want to leave you. Do you know that?"

"Yep-yep!"

Yuna smiled at Tobli. "For a shrimpish penguin dude, you're pretty cool." Tobli smiled back at her. "And for a girl with the worst fashion sense ever you're pretty... nope I cant think of anything nice." Yuna blinked at him. "Screw you penguin." And she walks out of Luca café.  
  
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At the machine faction Gippal is staring at the bathroom mirror. "Damn. I ran out of glitter for my eye patch. Now how will I look good for the machine convention? I know!" He walks out of the machine faction wearing Rikku's clothes. Rikku runs out after him with a towel wrapped around her. "Gippal! How could you! Now what will I wear that only covers up my chest, and a skirt short enough to show my panties! That's it, I'm going to wear your clothes, see how you like it!" Rikku runs back in to Gippal's room and steals his clothes. "There! These purple clothes go perfectly with my eyes! Now all I need is to poke one out! Now where's that big pointy fork?"  
  
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At this point Paine walks up to Yuna and says, "I have the one polo to rule them all..."

"Yeah? Well I'm wearing your underwear!"

"You bitch!" Paine starts chasing Yuna, when they both see Gippal wearing Rikku's clothes. Yuna squeals and runs up to him. "Wow you look sooooo sexy in those! Much better than Rikku!"

"Why thank you! And do you have any glitter for my eye patch?" Nooj interrupts their conversation by walking like a penguin. "Uh, what are you doing?" Nooj doesn't look at her, but he says, "I am a tree. The king of all trees! I'm also invisible! You can't see me!" Paine walks up to them. "Oh yeah? Well I now I'm wearing Gippal's boxers to get back at you, Yuna!"

"How did you get my boxers?"

"Uh, I've been wearing them ever since we were in the crimson squad together."

"I knew you stole them!"  
  
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Rikku picked up the big fork and started skipping off to show Gippal. She found him, talking to Yuna and Paine and the invisible king of all trees. "Hello Mr. Invisible king of all trees!"

"Oh no! She can see me! My secret identity is out! Now I must return to my tree kingdom and get Baralai drunk so he'll marry me! La-la-la!" Rikku put the big fork by her eye. "See Gippal? I'm going to be just like you!"  
  
"For the love of Spira Rikku, no! I want to use that fork to barbecue!"  
  
"Don't try and stop me Gippal! I'm going to do it!"  
  
"No you wont." A tiny voice said. "Oh! My shoulder angel! You came back for me!"  
  
"Yes she will!"  
  
"And my shoulder devil! I knew you loved me!"  
  
"We don't love you, we just wanted a bit in the story! And we got it!"  
  
"The pay's very good you know. The dumb authors blonde, so she's giving us a million gil for it!" Rikku realises they don't love her and bursts into tears. Suddenly Brother walks up. "Yuna! Yuna please marry me, because I'm a perv who fancies his own cousin!" Yuna looks at him. "Why not? I'm never going to find Tidus anyway, and you're the eldest living son of the leader of the Al bhed, who's also my uncle, so you gotta be loaded!"  
  
"Um, yes, sure. I-I'm loaded."  
  
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But at that moment, in the depths of the Farplane, a man emerges. Yuna has magically got there by jumping in a hole leading to the sewers and asking a rat for directions. She sees him, and asks, "Is that, really you?"  
  
"It is me. Darth Vader. Yuna, I am your father Yuna."  
  
"Uh, sorry buddy but you want the next FIC. Take a left at the space bar and carry on."  
  
"Oh! Thank you! Sorry for the trouble. Have a nice day." Yuna watches him go and waves. "Bye-bye! Bring me back a light sabre so I can kill Paine and steal her polo!"  
  
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Rikku sits at the table, talking to Maechen. "And why have you come here, my child?"  
  
"Well, I've got this problem..."  
  
"What is it my child?"  
  
_"I see dead people."_  
  
"Shh! You wanna get sued?"  
  
"Ooo! Please!"  
  
"Right that's it! You're off to the nearest mental hospital!" and he picks her up and throws her over his shoulder, and then into the car, where... they get stuck in traffic. This makes Maechen very angry. So angry that he turns into the hulk! "Yay! We're gonna get sued!" Rikku says happily.  
  
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Meanwhile, in a small kingdom far, far away, which turns out to be in Kilika woods, very far away from Luca you know, the invisible tree king, otherwise known as Nooj, sits talking to one of his best trees. "So, how do you think I should get Baralai drunk? And where do you think we should have the honeymoon?" the tree turns and shrugs at him. "Don't ask me, I'm just a random talking tree."  
  
But back to the real story... Gippal is wondering where Yuna and Rikku went. And also how Rikku can wear that colour scarf with her thief dressphere. Meanwhile Paine is staring at him. "Gippal. I love you." Gippal turns to Paine. "Oh Paine... how could Rikku wear this scarf? Oh yeah, and can I have my boxers back please?"

"But I've been wearing them non-stop for two years."

"And?" Paine shrugs and starts to undress in the street. CENSORED! Paine gives him back his boxers, and then he disappears. She shrugs and takes out the one polo to rule them all etc. when she realises...it's missing! "GIPPAL!!!!!!!!"  
  
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"Hehehe! Now I have the one polo to rule them all, one polo to find them, one polo to bring them all and in the darkness bind them! Muwahahaha! Uh, wait a minute, doesn't that mean I should have four polo's? Meh. Muwahahaha!" He carries on laughing, till he sees a nice lake with nice big fish. "Raaaaaaaggggghh! Mmm! Yummy! And uh... oh no! The precious! The precious! Not the precious! Noooooooo!" when he suddenly remembers he's allergic to fish. "Oh dear." He suddenly swells up like a giant red balloon. "Aw crap!" and he sees the polo floating off.  
  
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Rikku watches as Maechen goes green and his clothes split open. "Eeeeewww! No offence gramps, but you're no Orlando Bloom!"  
  
"What!? You dare insult me?! Raaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhh!" and he gobbles up Rikku. "Aaagghh! No! I'm afraid of the dark!"  
  
"You're ok, I think I swallowed a box of matches earlier."  
  
"Oh I found them!" Rikku lights up a match.  
  
"Oh no!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Heart burn!" and he opens his mouth and a huge blast of fire comes out, with Rikku in it. "Aaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhh! My clothes are on fire! Oh wait, these are Gippal's clothes. That's ok." And she walks off with her clothes on fire.  
  
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Yuna looked at where Darth Vader. Had been. She stared at it for a while thinking, "I wonder what he looked like without the mask and cape" when the one polo to rule them all etc. floated by. "Ooo! This looks yummy!" and she swallowed it.  
  
So to make a long story short, Paine killed Yuna and stole her polo back, Rikku burned Gippal's clothes, Gippal found some glitter for his eye patch and was the prettiest guy at the convention. Oh and Nooj got Baralai drunk, and chose Barbados for their honeymoon. The end!  
  
A/N ok I'm avoiding doing homework right now. :p


End file.
